Throughout history, women have not had it easy. The Bible seems to give men the right to “rape” an unwed virgin. What happens if they are not found? Was the man free to walk away? Millions of men have consensual sex with a woman today, get her pregnant, and walk away from their responsibilities.
“If a man meets a virgin who is not betrothed, and seizes her and lies with her, and they are found, then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days.”Deuteronomy 22:28-29 ESV
Prior to the USA forming in 1787, American colonies adopted British law that stated the woman was to become the property of her husband upon marriage. Since only the husband was considered a legal citizen, all the property a woman owned prior to marriage became the property of her husband.
Most of us are aware women didn’t earn the right to vote until 1920 with ratification of the 19th Amendment in August of that year. Feminists have worked hard to create both protections and freedoms for women.
Unfortunately, as seen often in America, the social pendulum may now have swung too far as the nation suffers an epidemic of “single motherhood.” Single motherhood has grown so common in America that 80% of single-parent families are headed by single mothers — and nearly a third live in poverty.
Statistics tell a frightening story: About 4 out 10 children are born to unwed mothers. Around half (49.5%) of single mothers have never married, almost a third (29.9%) are divorced, 20.5% are either separated or widowed. Half have one child, 30% have two. About two thirds are White, one third Black.
Employment conditions are outrageous. At any one time, about two thirds of single mothers are working outside the home. This is a slightly greater percent than the share of married mothers who are also working outside the home.
However, only half were employed full-time all year long, a quarter (25.9%) were jobless the entire year. Among those who were laid off or looking for work, less than a quarter (22.4%) received unemployment benefits. How can a single woman properly care for her child or children?
Shayla Faith Tomkinson: A Case Study
Shayla lives in West Jordan, Utah. She posted a comment yesterday, which she called a “rant.” Sad for her: “If I don’t work I don’t make money. I just really want to cry.”
I just need to rant a little. Being a single parent is hard. But I love being a mom. Skylee was sick last week. So I had to take time off from work a week ago to keep her home for a few days so she couldn’t spread it to anyone else. Well last night Skylee woke up puking her poor little guts out. So here I am missing another day of work because of the circumstances. I am not angry at her because I know she has no control over it. I feel so sad for her because she is miserable. But I am very upset at the situation. I want to be at work, I need to be at work. I am the only one in my house who brings home income because I am the only adult in my house. If I don’t work I don’t make money. I just really want to cry.
How does one parent — female or male — make it financially? Not only is one income insufficient in today’s U.S. economy, how does one parent manage work, a household and needs of the child or children? This is not an acceptable situation. I asked Shayla about her predicament.
I was 18 years old when I met my ex. I did not know any better. And I didnt plan on having a kid but when I found out I was pregnant I rolled with it and I tried to make things work I bent over backwards and I made excuses for his poor behavior. I gave him three years of my life. I tried making things work people would say I went above and beyond trying to make things work. But somethings just will never work out. So I did the best thing for me and my child. And according to my ex he did counseling before he met me and It didn’t do a damn thing for him. That what he says anyways. But it is because he refused to do the work that came with counseling. And the person he portrayed himself to be was not the person he ended up being. People can hide their true colors for a long time.
There are millions of similar hard luck stories. Shayla admits to making many poor decisions. She dived into bed with a guy she apparently didn’t take the time to screen or understand. Society asks young men and women to wait before taking the sexual leap. Human creatures are selfish, arrogant and all-knowing. Many warned Shayla. She believed she knew better at the time. Now, she’s faces an impossible challenge.
I criticized the lack of a father in the relationship. Men who impregnate a woman, run away, fail to provide child support should be in prison. However, feminists reject such proposals. They want single women to marry Uncle Sam. Shayla’s friends came to her defense.
Get well soon skylee.
Keep strong to be a wonder mom.
I’m sorry, Shayla! I was lucky to be single when my boys were teenagers, and they could do a lot for themselves. Little kids just get sick– especially in daycare environments. You’re not lacking in any way. Keep your head up, girl. You got this! Do what you love, and it will work out. It won’t last forever, even though it feels like it. I admire you for doing this on your own!
Bethanie Rae Rasmussen
It’s really hard being a single mom. I’m sorry Skylee is sick. Sending both of you hugs!
When I was a single mom I tried to find jobs from home so I could work and have kids home with me. It was still hard when they were sick because they needed more care. So, I would have to take more breaks or only work half my shift. There are so many work from home jobs right now. I bet we could find one that works for you.
Let taxpayers support the family, many say. Women want government to provide free healthcare, daycare, food and income support, free education for the household and children. Taxpayers rebel. They say men and women demand to be free. However, these “freedom-lovers” want society to pick up the tab for their lack of responsibility.
Shayla’s social media page was filled with pictures of herself and daughter, Skylee. She calls her EX a narcissist, which she later called me. I mentioned her comments were filled with dozens of “I” statements. Shayla seems somewhat narcissistic as well.
I decided to leave her dad who was not motivated do ANYTHING. I had the courage to walk away from something that wasn’t working even after all the work I did put into it. I was scared to become a single parent I thought I was fucking broken when I became a single parent. But do you know what happened? I realized that I had to learn to love myself which I have done. I work the schedule I do so I can provide a healthy safe environment for my child. I know that I messed up a lot early in life. But I don’t let it define who I am today. I am doing what I am supposed to do. I am raising the next generation and I am confident in my parenting that I am doing right. I do not need to prove myself to you. I do not need your approval. How my child has turned out this far speaks for itself. Her father was emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. He called my daughter a bitch when she was just a tiny little baby all because she would not stop crying and it interrupted his video games. He neglected her before she was a year old in her crib did not feed her did not change her diaper he slept through her cries and played a stupid video games. He went through 10 different jobs in our last year and a half together. And he would lose those jobs because he would stay up all night setting video games and either not show up or show up late. He would Lie about paying rent when really he hadn’t. We were almost evicted several times because of that behavior. I’m not going to raise my daughter homeless. So I left I got out of our lease contract paid my share and left. I told him that I wanted him to still be a part of our daughters life. I told him I wanted to coparent together to raise her. I did everything I could to encourage a relationship for them. But I cannot be expected to do all the work and I realized it was not my job to do all the work. I am a lot happier now and so is my daughter. I hope that he is happy doing whatever he’s doing. I don’t wish anything bad to happen to him. I just hope he can grow up and realize that he and I have created a beautiful little girl together and that he can eventually build a relationship with her before it’s too late.
Truly difficult situation. Shayla climbed into bed with a man-child. For some reason, he interested her at the time. Clearly he’s immature still today from Shayla’s account. Shayla was immature at the time they hooked up. We have children raising children in America. Somehow this is the fault and responsibility now of taxpayers and government social services.
Shayla called me a cyber-bully for challenging her. She unfriended me. She won’t chat with me or allow me to challenge her unhealthy ways. However, single mothers like Shayla want to pick the pocket of taxpayers to provide the support they need.
I demand the young man return to his obligations. I encouraged Shayla to get both herself and EX to counseling. Even offered my services for free.
“If I don’t work I don’t make money. I just really want to cry.”
Regardless of the deflection, avoidance and self-righteous claims, Shayla is in trouble. Her friends applaud and support her virtually. None offered to send money or to care for Skylee so Shayla could work. This is the conundrum of our virtual world.
Shayla apparently has no extended family to help out. Can’t leave beautiful Skylee with a sister, grandmother, cousin or close friend. Shayla must miss work; and missing work, she might not be able to make rent or a car payment. She’s one missed paycheck from being homeless. Of course she wants to cry. What a terrible situation for her and Skylee.
Shayla claimed she knew better at 18 how to live her life. Just a few years later, she still believes she knows what she is doing. She criticized me for sticking my nose into her business. I corrected her. I knew nothing of “her business” until her rant showed up on my newsfeed. She posted she’s ready to cry!
As a counselor, I found a person in my friend’s list who admits she has a problem, expressed her frustration to the world, and let us all know she was in tears. A decent person offers a hand.
However, Shayla doesn’t want a hand … she wants a handout. She doesn’t want to drag her EX to counseling. Doesn’t want to mature him and their relationship. It was easy to jump into bed with her beau at the time. It’s hard and takes a great deal of work to maintain a relationship. Her friend, Sean M Tarbet, exempted and excused men from their family obligations with a misandrous comment.
Sean M Tarbet
your [sic] clearly ignoring the fact that most “men” aren’t equipped psychologically or emotionally to ever actually be a parent. Most are toxic walking garbage piles, at best. Much less equipped to be step-parents. Children can turn out AMAZING being raised by single parents, especially by a loving, caring mother. You seem like a key case-in-point.
I criticized Shayla from “running away from her problems.” She claims she would do anything for her beautiful daughter Skylee. Then, do it! Get this dead-beat father to counseling or court. Either he stands up for the family or can lie with dogs in a prison cell.
Feminists claim to fight for women. Then stop letting immature men leave our beautiful women pregnant and most precious resources, our children, without the financial and emotional support they need. A single parent cannot raise a child or children alone. Hillary Clinton famously said decades ago: It takes a village.
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Ko’olau of Kaua’i. I am the Defiant One
“I Believe We Can”