This is Alisa Brewer. She’s a kind soul, gentle spirit, a person who exhibits a positive and motivating attitude. However, she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. She’s a gaslighter.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that occurs in abusive relationships. It is an insidious and sometimes covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser makes the target question their judgments and reality. Ultimately, the victim of gaslighting starts to wonder if they are losing their sanity.
I was having a conversation with Alisa today. We’ve been connected on social media for some time. Our discussions are generally civil, polite and challenging. However, today she seemed to get upset and ended up gaslighting me.
Her behavior disappointed me, as we were discussing abusive relationships. I asked her: you’ve now called me names, condescended me. This is how a Gaslighter abuses others. Shall we share this story with others, as you have shared this one? She said yes. Publish and share!
Our conversation focused on Gabby. Most of America knows of her today. Although there are some 2,300 children who go missing each day, when a privileged, young White girl goes missing, women and media go into overdrive.
Why? How come none are interested in the desperate pleas from the family of Isabella Kalua, the six-year-old last seen asleep in her Waimanalo home on September 12th in the Aloha state? She doesn’t get national attention. Is her skin too dark? Her family too poor?
Alisa and millions of women watched both Gabby and her boyfriend for some five minutes. The two fought a lot family members reported. Witnesses claim they saw him slapping her; she apparently scratched and cut him. However, American women have determined the male is a narcissist.
This was a textbook abusive relationship with a narcissist. Isolation Control Manipulation Gaslighting Possessive behavior Charming to everyone but the person he abuses A quiet, background figure Someone most people wouldn’t suspect The victim blaming herself The victim protecting her abuser We all saw this play out.
The millions of American women and media “all saw this play out.” Now these pseudo-psycho babble social media domestic violence “experts” have diagnosed both Gabby and the male. She’s a victim. He’s another horrible male. Poor Gabby! Poor women!
I don’t know what happened. I work with people who suffer addiction, who have been victims of domestic violence, and men who are in jails and prisons. I make no diagnosis in this matter. Can’t do that watching a few short clips on TV.
Social media is different. People all claim to be experts. Just look at the face mask and vaccine arguments. I’m not sure why we send our kids to school and college. Just a week on social media and they know everything.
Who Is Alisa?
On social media, Alisa Brewer tells her story.
Last year, Haven and I bought white t-shirts, and black construction paper. We cut out spots, and tape rolls, and then drove around town, gathering up homeless people, and bringing them to Chick-Fil-A for a free meal.
This year, I’m a fucking idiot and I’ve done what I always do. I didn’t go to court because I didn’t have the money to pay off my ticket, and last week I was pulled over in my Jeep, (with my best friend’s children and my daughter) because there was a warrant attached to my plates. They didn’t arrest me. They let me go, but I’ve parked my Jeep until I figure out a way to pay off my ticket. Wait… Make that plural. Tickets. There’s two now. Ugh.
I asked Alisa why this story about Gabby is so important to her. She said, “It’s the content that is important to me. But i bet you didn’t read it.” This is her first attempt to condescend me, diminish my person … a tactic of gaslighting.
I told her I had read the story. It’s posted in many places on social media. Asked her specifically, do you know the male, as the story claims Gabby was in a “textbook abusive relationship with a narcissist.” Five minutes of video; a few family stories, and women have diagnosed both the male and female. Why do we need clinical psychologists?
Now, Alisa didn’t answer. Of course she does not know the male. Of course she doesn’t have all the facts. However, she said initially:
Well… I saw it all. I called it. This doesn’t mean I’m smarter. It just means I’m a survivor.
Alica called it. TV and national media should be interviewing her. Law enforcement should give her a call. Both families can now rest assured. Alisa has “called it.”
Unfortunately, Alisa became nasty with me at this point. She lies. Claims she has not been answering my questions. There are some 18 comments between us at this point. Her cognitive dissonance is nagging at her ego.
If you haven’t noticed, I’m not answering your questions. I’m doing it on purpose. You are really coming across as a bully and honestly the only reason I’m even engaging in this conversation is to see how far you take it.
Observing and Identifying Gaslighting
The writer of the meme warned that narcissists tend to gaslight their victims. Alisa is now fully engaged in gaslighting me. She claims I am a “bully.” I’ve not bullied her. She has freely engaged in this conversation. I have not kidnapped her. This is social media. She can freely leave the conversation at any time.
Instead, she now calls me names, condescends me, and HONESTLY, now claims the only reason she’s even engaging in this conversation is to see how far I take it. HONESTLY!!!
When someone needs to add HONESTLY to their comments, we can be certain they are lying or making up a story. HONESTLY!!!
As I’m a professional and used to such deflection and redirection of anger onto the other, I called Alisa out for her uncivil and abusive behavior. She is now doing to me what the author of the story is warning women about men. Here we observe a woman abusing a man.
I have pinned Alisa into a logical corner in our debate. Of course she doesn’t know the male. Of course she doesn’t know all the facts or whether the male was a narcissist, abuser, murderer or victim himself. None of us know.
However, women on social media claim to know. This know-it-all trait is also a sign of the narcissist. This behavior is manipulative. It’s a means of controlling others. This tactic is abusive activity.
Alisa even threatens me claiming she will write her own story. Wonderful. All my comments are kind, thoughtful and respectful. Asked her to copy me the link.
Now, her friend Trinity West jumped in to her defense. She also uses gaslighting tactics.
Trinity wrote, “Wow who is this guy? Sounds to me like he is a bully and trying to pass the baton to you as if you don’t see him passing it. My oh my. There’s always gotta be one.”
Welcome to America. We’re in upside down world. Non-experts claim to have advanced degrees in whatever the popular topic is each week. Women claim to warn about bad male behavior while doing to men exactly what they do not want do unto them.
A couple more women popped in to verbally abuse me, call me names, and Alisa Brewer unfriended and blocked me. That’s the typical pattern of a bully, manipulator and gaslighter. Haven sure is a cute youngster. Sad she must live around abusive women. She simply wants more peace in her world.
The Golden Rule is upside down. We no longer believe do unto others as we want done unto us. The current fad in America is to accuse others falsely, blame, shame and prior to all information being collected, do to others what we hate having done to us.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk on Recognizing the Gaslighter. Now that you are educated, please don’t engage in this behavior with others. Let’s learn how to be civil with each other again. End the abuse. Our nation and lives depend on it.
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Ko’olau of Kaua’i. I am the Defiant One
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