Happy Valentine’s Day: Go Smash the Patriarchy Beautiful Flowers

Good friend of mine, Nedi McKnight, one kind and compassionate local girl, posted this meme today: Roses are red; knowledge is power. Go smash the patriarchy, you beautiful flower.


SMASH the Patriarchy???

Responded to the meme. I didn’t want to go to war; didn’t want to work deep in the mines; didn’t want to leave the home each day to work in the fields, factories or distant office; didn’t want to be the “defender” of my home or community; didn’t want to be the one asked to stand up to bullies or be the union rep; didn’t want to be the one who remained on the Titanic, while women & children got the available lifeboats; didn’t want to be required to open doors for women, invite a partner for dates, dances or be expected to pay.


So PLEASE smash me, us, boys … all the horrible men who were asked to defend and build this nation.

PLEASE allow us the opportunity to remain at home and care for the keiki. We’ll cook the meals, do the laundry, help our children with their homework and pick them up after their school event or sport practice. We’ll hand you a cold glass of wine on your return from a hard day.

You BEAUTIFUL flowers, and yes, we’ve always considered you beautiful, are welcome to now put the world on your shoulders and carry the burden.

You demanded us to be strong;
Now you say we no longer belong.
Why did this go on so long?
How was everyone so wrong?

Happy Valentine’s Day!!! SMASH the Patriarchy!!! PLEASE


Koohan Paik-Mander Responded

You are wildly misguided. Please understand that patriarchy is a system of oppression. It is not individual men and boys.

To Koohan Paik-Mander I wrote: Patriarchy (1) a system of society or government in which the father or eldest male is head of the family and descent is traced through the male line. (2) a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it.

In ALL my jobs since 2000, my direct supervisor has been a FEMALE. In most my jobs since that time, there have been more women than men. My first vote for governor in Hawai’i was for Linda Lingle. My congresswoman since 2014 has been Tulsi Gabbard. In our state election 2018, I voted for Andria Tupola rather than David Ige for governor. In Election 2020, I worked with Tulsi’s campaign for president of the United States.

Hawai’i Department of Education is led by Christina M. Kishimoto; Department of Health by Elizabeth A Char; Contact Tracing program by Emily Robertson; Department of Labor and Industrial Relations by Anne E. Perreira-Eustaquio; Department of Agriculture is Phyllis Shimabukuro-Geiser; Department of Commerce and Consumer Affairs is Catherine Awakuni Colón; Department of Human Services is Catherine Betts; Department of Land and Natural Resources is Suzanne Case; Attorney General is Clare E. Connors; Honolulu Chief of Police is Susan Ballad. You call this oppression?

In 2018, after being recruited for a consultant position by a female at EdgeRock Technologies, a female manager at Hawaiian Electric hired me to work for her team. Six months later, my female manager offered me a promotion. How exciting!!!


My female doctor had prescribed medical cannabis for my injuries. I informed my female HR rep; she said I would be fine. Yet two weeks later, the female HR director, Shana Buco, two female attorneys — Thao Tran and Susan Li, and Hawaiian Electric Industries CEO & President Constance Hee Lau, highest paid and most prestigious business executive in the state, fired me for my medication.

What MALE system of oppression do you refer?

Koohan Paik-Mander

The word, Patriarchy, literally means “rule of the father,” from the ancient Greek. There are many different ideas about its extent and force. Some people have used it to describe patterns derived from the structure of the family; to contemporary feminists, like myself and the person who posted this post, it is an entire system of oppression built on misogyny and the exploitation and brutalization of women.

It is not simple, in fact, to produce a concise definition of patriarchy. But at its simplest, it conveys the existence of a societal structure of male supremacy that operates at the expense of women — rather in the way that “white supremacy” conveys the existence of a societal structure that operates at the expense of black people.

To Koohan Paik-Mander I wrote: Thank you! You have simplified the world and now oppress and punish men. We didn’t invent the world. We all evolved from living in caves. Physical strength was critical at that time. Had women been stronger, we would have evolved into a matriarchal society. Men had to carve out a “safe” world the best they could. Women served as defenders of the home and nurturers of children. You claim society “operates at the expense of women.” Different from you, I believe life is a shared burden on all of us — yet I was drafted for war; not you.

Due to the demands of nature, males were asked to fulfill roles as I described initially. The burden of leadership required we protect our “most precious” creatures — women & children. Thus, men went down with the ship in a crisis.

As men were on the firing line, they also made the decisions. They decided if it was time to plant, harvest or go to war. Women continued to nurture and defend the home.

Women received the vote in 1920; dominate in the workforce and much of politics today. Men didn’t oppress women — but voted to ensure they had similar privileges as they did. Society passed Title IV in 1972, which started the process for equalizing sports and educational opportunities for women — 50 years ago now.

You speak of a world long gone … I wrote about the world today. You proudly supported Bernie for president 2020. Me, as a male, supported a woman.

You claim women are oppressed by the patriarchy. Why then didn’t you join me to support Tulsi?

Koohan Paik-Mander


Uh, sorry, but you still haven’t understood any of these concepts from the vantage point intended. Take care.

To Koohan Paik-Mander I wrote: You gaslight me now?

Remember you heard it here first. Please leave your comments below and be sure to FOLLOW ClearHeathLife Strategies. We provide News of the News You Wish You Knew.

Ko’olau of Kaua’i. I am the Defiant One
“I Believe We Can”

4 thoughts on “Happy Valentine’s Day: Go Smash the Patriarchy Beautiful Flowers

    1. Aloha e Koohan, you used the term misguided. You also claimed you suffer “an entire system of oppression built on misogyny and the exploitation and brutalization of women.”

      Men don’t HATE women. Men LOVE women; they adore women. This post saddened me, as it references Valentine’s Day when millions of men are buying flowers, diamonds and chocolate to show their appreciation for women. Men will die for a woman; they’ll go to war over a woman.

      Capitalism exploits human labor; throughout history, various groups have brutalized not just women, but men as well.

      Yet here we are … lucky to live Hawai’i nei. You’re not oppressed or brutalized. We can argue many are exploited. A $10.10 minimum wage and the way big business, corporate hotels and the visitor industry treats labor is exploitive.

      If we were to marry, I wouldn’t object to talking your last name; most men are this way. We wouldn’t automatically pass land holding or wealth to our “eldest son” as some did historically. This component of a patriarchal society is long dead.

      What I also demonstrated is it’s unfair to claim women are not major players in politics. Nancy Pelosi leads the U.S. House of Representatives. Women have tremendous power. Men applaud the success of our daughters, sisters and wives.

      Powerful attorney general of New York, Leticia James, speaking at the Women’s Conference 2017 said the “Democrat party was too male; too pale; and too stale.” Yet Democrats then selected Joe Biden … I didn’t vote for Joe; you were a BernieGirl. Women hold the reins of power in the Democrat party, and there were a number of excellent female candidates, including Tulsi … they chose an elderly White male who has been in politics for 47 years. Must be a nightmare to Ms. James.

      You can’t really define patriarchy. Yet you claim you’re a feminist who opposes it. What you’re signaling is your disdain for men. This is misandry.

      White men, men from Europe fleeing brutal oppression, founded the USA. They didn’t do this just for men … they did it for their families and communities. They came from different places and held different beliefs. Some supported slavery; some didn’t. The ONLY reason this nation formed is they were tolerant of different beliefs, customs and traditions. This unity created the most formidable economic and military nation in the history of the world.

      We’re dividing today. We’re canceling, deleting, erasing and disparaging each other and our history. This is a fragile democratic Republic. Might easily throw it all away. I believe that would be misguided.

      Thank you for the discussion. Mahalo nui loa!

  1. In any event, what a trip to be made the central point of your blog post. One day, it would be interesting to meet and perhaps you could explain how Tulsi presented a SYSTEMICALLY better world for women than Bernie’s platform. Again, it’s about SYSTEMs that oppress, not gender of individuals. This is the point I continue to return to.

    1. The “system” of the United States of America is based on the Constitution; and the Constitution does not oppress women. I loved your picture wearing the Refaluwasch Lighatutur, hand-crafted by your dear friend and Warrior Goddess Cinta M. Kaipat, to honor the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

      SCOTUS Justice Ginsburg would not have been appointed to our highest court had our system been oppressive. And her work proved “just one” individual can bring tremendous positive change to this nation.

      Our system is one of change … of evolution. It was founded by human beings, imperfect men, who wrote documents such as the U.S. Constitution that were also imperfect. Yet these imperfect angels, as James Madison wrote in Federalist #51, created this nation to evolve as people and time demand.

      Love to meet sometime as well. Aloha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s