People Ask Why Am I So Angry?

An acquaintance of mine, a sincerely decent human being and kind soul, Alan Kim, posts many comments on social media about god, serving god or living a godly life. He claims Jesus is coming soon. Unfortunately, he’s been making this claim for years. Others have made this claim for hundreds of years. Jesus has not yet arrived.

Alan Kim says to Serve God
Alan Kim says to Serve God

Today, I commented on his post about god, “Don’t hesitate between two gods, serve God.” I responded with a brief remark, which led him to ask, “Why are you so angry?”

Why are you so angry?

Why Am I Angry?

Alan Kim — why are you not? I’ve been out of work for about 3 YEARS … fired by Hawaiian Electric. I was an A+ employee. Some of the highest ratings on my team. They offered me a lateral promotion. What an honor. As I’m disabled, injured and in serious pain, I’m a medical cannabis patient.

I checked. I asked. HECO told me I would be fine. They FIRED me in front of the ONLY people who trusted and respected me. I sit in my small cell (apartment) each day with nothing to do. No work. Shamed, humiliated, embarrassed, angry, frustrated … for nearly 3 YEARS!!!

You talk about god. There is no god. Each day I see multiple posts from you. However, Jesus is not coming. God does not care — or get involved.

I love Asians and their culture. I was surrounded by wonderful Asian people at Hawaiian Electric. The first woman I asked to marry me was Asian, “Jenny” Lang Ping, head coach of the Chinese Women’s Olympic volleyball team.

"Jenny" Lang Ping. Head Coach Chinese Women's Olympic Volleyball Team
“Jenny” Lang Ping. Head Coach Chinese Women’s Olympic Volleyball Team

I’ve trained and coached with Asian athletes for over ten years. Team Panasonic won first place honors Queen’s Ekiden, Japan.

Team Panasonic: First place Queen's Ekiden, Japan.
Team Panasonic: First place Queen’s Ekiden, Japan.

However, Asians at Hawaiian Electric FIRED me. They lied to me; deceived me; cheated me. Had I been Asian or female, I’m sure someone would have talked with me.

Who believes Hawaiian Electric CEO & President Connie Hee Lau would fire a female employee suffering beast cancer for using medical cannabis? Exemptions for her! No woman executive is that cruel. Men don’t receive such kindness.

HECO promises a Fairness policy. “You should endeavor to deal fairly with the Company’s customers, suppliers, competitors and your fellow employees. We must never take unfair advantage of others through manipulation, concealment, abuse of privileged information, misrepresentation of material facts or any other unfair dealing practice.”

HECO Fair Dealing Policy. They don't deal with people fairly.
HECO Fair Dealing Policy. They don’t deal with people fairly.

HECO promises Any and All policies can be waived. “The Company may waive application of the policies set forth in the Code only where circumstances warrant granting a waiver, and then only in conjunction with any appropriate monitoring of the particular situation.”

HECO Can Waive Policies. Not for White Males
HECO Can Waive Policies. Not for White Males

However, I’m not from the right family, tribe or ethnic background. I’m a White Male and culture here in Hawai’i demonizes White males.

I didn’t steal this land from the Kanaka. More Asians in Hawai’i than White people. I’m not powerful or wealthy. I’m just a hard working, honest, ethical middle class dude. I loved my team; my manager and team loved me.

Each day I said a prayer to god thanking her for allowing me this opportunity. Each day I came to work and made people smile. I solved 100s of problems. I saved HECO ratepayers money. Everything I did, we did, was positive and productive.

YOU have been a great asset to our team and it is your personality and humble nature that makes all of us so comfortable working together. We have had contractors on the DBA team before, but never with the synergy and positive energy that you bring with you. I believe you have had the greatest influence in our success and glad that we selected the right contractor. You have definitely made your mark here at HECO and have set the bar very high for future contractors!
Thank you for being you…keep doing what you do…keep that good karma flowing!

Lori Yafuso, Hawaiian Electric IT Manager

Regardless, I was fired. Drug criminal. No more employment for me. Stuck in a small room. Do you know what loneliness, alienation and isolation does to a human being? My wife gets to go to work. Sometimes she complains about her challenging day. I respond, “I would give anything to have your day!” I am in tears now just thinking of this.

I’m locked in prison. I have nothing to do. I end up on social media listening to the nonsense of other frustrated people. I end up more frustrated. However, there’s no work or tasks for me. I just sit all day with nothing to do. You know how long a day is when one has nothing to do … 1,000 days of nothing to do? I’m going crazy. I am crazy. I’m beyond crazy!!!

I keep have recurring nightmares; can’t sleep; want to end my life; want this torture and pain to end … please end!!!

I was serving god. God is love to me. I lived love. Our family lives love. Yet this is not a world of love, but of horrible hatred and cruelty. The more one loves, the more they are punished.

I beg YOUR god to take me. I live on the 25th floor. All I have to do is jump. However, I can’t take the COWARD’s way out. I will not do that to my wife. For some reason, god is punishing me. Therefore, I sit here and suffer her punishment.

Americans say, Thank you for your service. They don't really mean it
Americans say, “Thank you for your service.” They don’t really mean it.

You say listen for god. All I do is listen. All I do is pray. There is no god. Jesus is not coming. I’m so tired of being tortured!!! That’s why I’m angry. I am so tired of being cruelly tortured!!! Please god, let it end!!!

Thanks for asking.

Special aloha to the ladies who fired me: Hawaiian Electric CEO Connie Lau, Susan Li, Thao Tran and Shana Buco. Powerful women who could have rehired me; who could have corrected this confusion and injustice. Americans say, “Thank you for your service.” They don’t really mean it.

They have no love, compassion or kindness for a beat up old dude. We all are simply pawns in their games of power. We are 100% expendable in their corporate machine.

Hawaiian Electric CEO Connie Lau, Susan Li, Thao Tran and Shana Buco. Powerful women
Hawaiian Electric CEO Connie Lau, Susan Li, Thao Tran and Shana Buco. Powerful women

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Ko’olau of Kaua’i. I am the Defiant One
“I Believe We Can”

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