Some people, generally women on the Left, claim many men, particularly White males, suffer toxic masculinity, which is one of the ways Patriarchy is harmful to men. Toxic masculinity refers to the socially-constructed attitudes that describe the masculine gender role as violent, unemotional, sexually aggressive, and so forth.
Every time feminists talk about toxic masculinity, there is a chorus of whiny dudes who will immediately assume — or pretend to assume — that feminists are condemning all masculinity. ~ Amanda Marcotte
Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant, along with related traits such as misogyny and homophobia, can be considered “toxic” due to their promotion of violence, including sexual assault and domestic violence.
I’m certainly not misogynistic. I would give my life to defend and protect women. I’ve never sexually assaulted anyone and haven’t engaged in domestic violence. I was raised by a society that taught me homosexuality is a sin. I do not understand homosexual behavior but believe people should be free to love who they love.
Apparently to feminists, such as Amanda Marcotte, I’m a whiny dude. She wants to be “excruciatingly clear” toxic masculinity is a specific model of manhood, geared toward dominance and control. It’s a manhood that views women and LGBT people as inferior, sees sex as an act not of affection but domination, and which valorizes violence as the way to prove one’s self to the world.
Other stereotypically masculine traits, such as self-reliance and stifling of emotions, are correlated with increased psychological problems in men such as depression, increased stress, and substance abuse.
This describes me. I was expected to be independent and taught that asking “for directions” was a sign of weakness. Emotionally, I’m more like Spock in the Star Trek series than any other character. I cry, but feel embarrassed when I do. It’s unnatural for me to talk about my emotions.
The socialization of boys often normalizes violence, such as saying “boys will be boys” with regard to bullying and aggression. Toxic masculine traits are characteristic of the unspoken code of behavior among men in American prisons, where they exist in part as a response to the harsh conditions of prison life. The world where I grew up was a jungle. Nobody protected me — except me.
I saw a program on TV recently where adults said to a teen boy, “You cannot hit a girl.” As boys, society teaches us we cannot hit a girl. Why does a female receive this protection? If a man hits a women, he’s instantly wrong. Feminists complain about how difficult it is to be a woman, claiming men somehow have it better. Society has said, “Do not hit a female” — leaving the implication it’s OK to hit a male. Why didn’t the adults say, “Do not hit anyone”?
This is the basis of toxic masculinity. Boys learn they will be bullied; men will be beat. Society works to protect women. This “gender discrimination” begin when we are born. Part of this behavior is chauvinistic. Parents consider women to be the “weaker” sex. Thus, they can’t “survive being hit.”
This is why women need toxic males. We must learn to survive getting hit. We learn to be tough. We learn not to cry. We learn to protect ourselves and we develop to protect women and children from those who ignore the rules and are willing to hit them. Yes, certainly, women have been limited; they have also been protected. If we’re on the sinking USS Titanic, women and children get a spot in the lifeboats. Men know society expects them to go down with the ship.
Loudon Wainwright III sings about “Men”:
When a ship is sinking and they lower the lifeboats
And hand out the life jackets,
The men keep on their coats
The women and the children are the ones
Who must go first
And the men who try to save their skins
Are cowards and are cursed
Every man’s a captain, men know how to drown
Man the lifeboats if there’s room, otherwise go down
And it’s the same when there’s a war on:
It’s the men who go to fight
Women and children are civilians,
When they’re killed it’s not right
Men kill men in uniform, it’s the way war goes
When they run they’re cowards,
When they stay they are heroes
Every man’s a general, men go off to war
The battlefields a man’s world,
Cannon fodder is what they’re for
It’s the men who have the power,
It’s the men who have the might
And the world’s a place of horror
Because each man thinks he’s right
A man’s home is his castle so the family let him in
But what’s important in that kingdom
Is the women and the children
A husband and a father, every man’s a king
But he’s really just a drone,
Gathers no honey, has no sting
Have pity on the general, the king, and the captain
They know they’re expendable,
After all they’re men
Due to the recent shooting in Florida, many Americans are asking, “What is wrong with men, particularly, White males?” Good question. Facebook friend, Julie Hanselman, posted an article about arming teachers in classrooms. Author Brandon Friedman points out most people are incapable of dealing with violent threats.
“It’s difficult for a rational person to reach a state where they can go toe-to-toe with an armed psychopath who has nothing to lose. I was professionally trained and still almost blew it at the moment of truth. If armed security guards often don’t stop shootings, teachers have no chance.”
“Gun fighting is less about the weapon and more about a state of mind. It’s about will. The will to assert yourself over — and kill — your armed adversary who wants to kill you. Developing this mental skill takes months or years of dedicated training, and a singular focus that teachers don’t, and shouldn’t, have.”
I have such a state of mind. As a young boy, my hero was Crazy Horse of the Oglala Lakota. He taught his warriors to be fierce when facing battle and death, “Today is a good day to die,” he inspired. Have you ever thought like this? Probably not. Most Americans live peaceful, sheltered lives. I’ve stood toe-to-toe with an intoxicated man who held a loaded .45 caliber handgun to my forehead. I’ve stared down drug dealers and willfully forced them out of my neighborhood. I have the “state of mind” to face such violent threats because I’m a Toxic Male. I was willing to die; they were not. The bullies fled.
SOMEBODY must go toe-to-toe with evil people in society. My father served in the Korean war; my grandfather was a POW who escaped NAZI forces in heroic fashion. Another grandfather battled the Kaiser in WWI. My great, great grandfather, Robert A. Lower, earned the Congressional Medal of Honor as a union solider fighting to free Black Americans. This is what society has demanded of men. Women now claim we do not belong. Who then protects you?
Scot Peterson, the Florida deputy who hesitated outside Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, as the shooter targeted staff and students killing 17 likely wasn’t a Toxic Male. He was considered to be a good person, as he was twice nominated as School Resource Deputy of the Year and won the award in 2014. A supervisor in March 2017 noted Peterson “takes pride in protecting the students, faculty and staff at his school.” Yet under fire, he froze. He will live with his cowardice the rest of his life.
The Courage to Face Danger
I was in third grade when my dad kicked me out of the house for hiding from bullies. “Stand up now or be a pussy all your life,” he warned. (Yes, he said pussy. That’s how people talked when I was a kid.) I stood up. I faced the bully and his friends. I actually surprised myself. Getting punched didn’t hurt that badly — and I left the bully in a bloody mess. He never messed with anyone after than. I didn’t have to fight again for a long time either.
When women on the Left call me a Toxic Male, it makes me cry. I don’t show this publicly though. I didn’t want to fight. Who does? Someone must. And, none of us know what we will do when facing danger. We all believe we’ll be brave. I learned from a lifetime of examples my instinct is to run TOWARD danger — not from it. Thanks to my pops!
Women have the luxury of being able to run and hide. They have strong support groups. Men are expected to face danger and then deal with the aftermath alone and in silence. Jennifer Carlson, a sociology professor at the University of Arizona who studies gender, believes:
“It isn’t easy to be a man in the United States. Demands put on men — whether it’s to be the protector, to be the provider, to respond to situations in certain ways, to prove yourself as a man — end up being not just outwardly destructive but also inwardly destructive.”
America, particularly women on the Left, aren’t respectful of men today. We didn’t want the roles we were asked to fill — just as woman dislike being objectified as fashionable, sexy Barbies. My older brothers grew up facing the threat of being drafted to serve in Vietnam. I had to sign up for the draft as well. None of us wanted any part of that war. Society demanded we must stand up and sacrifice. Now, we’re considered pariahs.
No wonder most of the shooters are male. Society demands we learn to stand toe-to-toe with violence and evil to protect the innocent, while condemning our fearless will. Yes, this makes me cry. Do you see my tears now?
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